Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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