if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
