I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
bring money and cleavage
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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