clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
