Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
