I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
