So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
