I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
