Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
