If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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