Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
