and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
