Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
