listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
