just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you had me at cake vodka
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
