My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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