so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
