Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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