sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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