So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
