I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
