Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
