So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
