i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My vagina is officially offended.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
