I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
