Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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