I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
