Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
sex in a hospital.. check
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize