So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
