I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
