Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
