Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We are two peas in an std pod
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
