i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
