can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
