She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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