i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
