so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
