Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So much rum. So many feels.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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