Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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