What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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