I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm always down for nudity.
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