Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
