nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
