peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
