She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
