I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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