This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drunk is not a location!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
