Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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