I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
