just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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